I feel like an utter heel. Like I'm the world's biggest jerk. And I'm annoyed enough to go looking for something hard enough to bash my skull open. I guess I'm just having the start of a crappy day. But what do you expect when you're woken up after three hours of sleep?
In short, Roommate has me all tied up in an emotional knot.
I woke up at midnight by the sounds of Star Trek: The Next Generation after three hours of sleep. My friends know that it's one of my favorite shows, so normally, I don't mind hearing it play in the background. I do mind when it interferes with my regular scheduled shut-eye. And having high-pitched beeping from IM programs mixed in (which even in a good mood might as well be nails on a chalkboard), it seemed that the Universe was conspiring against me.
Whigh brings me to my emotional knot. I feel like a jerk for feeling hurt/annoyed because Roommate refuses to return the amount of respect that I choose to show him. When he's asleep and I'm on the laptop, I wear headphones or mute the speakers. He claims that the speakers are turned as far down as a notch above off. Yet, noise from whatever he's doing wakes me up and any shows he watches, I can hear as if the speakers are on full blast. Including when I'm doing my darndest to ignore the sounds. I got pillows clamped to my head and I can still hear stuff clearly.
And yet, I spent almost 4 whole hours trying to sleep, only to lose patience and have a mental breakdown (which happens once a blue moon). And I feel like the worst roommate on the face of this planet for letting it all out. And Roommate had done the worst things one can possibly do in regards to my breakdown: he interrupted me and pushed me away by telling me that he's too tired to deal with my emotions. The first made me angry and the second still hurts.
It just bothers me still that I try to respect him and I get disrespected and pushed away when I let out my frustration.
Am on DSi. Can't post more.
~Later!
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